Jokes Jokes Jokes

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
and turned it's wool to nylon

Simple Simon met a Pieman,
Going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you dickhead

Hey diddle diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
But Jill prefers,
The candlestick

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For just an itty bitty.
Jill’s now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his front teeth are missing

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own

My friend Billy
Had a ten foot willy,
He showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake
And hit it with a rake
And now its only 4 ft 4.

New Workplace Vocabulary… (PG)


BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a Cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located.


OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake.

WOOF'S: Well-off Older Folks.

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing through a Cube Farm.

New Workplace Vocabulary… (PG)


BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a Cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located.


OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake.

WOOF'S: Well-off Older Folks.

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing through a Cube Farm.

Penis Promotion Request (18)



A penis requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons:

1. Has to work hard.

2. Has to work at great depths.

3. Has to work upside down.

4. Has no ventilation or air conditioned work environment.

5. Has to work in a high humidity environment.

6. Has to work at high temperatures.

7. Does not get weekends and holidays off.

8. Does not get time off after extra hours of work.

9. Has a hazardous work environment that often causes illness.

This is the management reply.

Request denied for the following reasons.

1. Does not work 8 hours straight during any work period.

2. Does not answer immediately to all requests.

3. Co-workers often unsatisfied by job performance.

4. After a short activity period, falls asleep.

5. Shows no evidence of fidelity at the workplace.

6. Works better alone than with others.

7. Does not work at all unless pushed from behind.

8. Does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work.

9. Sometimes leaves work too early.

How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out?

I don't know the answer but I think I'm nearly there

I was given the ultimatum 3 weeks ago. She said "it's me or your fishing."

Gee I miss her